1st Sat Practice- Epic FAIL!!!

Waaah! I can't believe it! I've been anticipating for this day, and for the worship practice the entire week, but why oh why didn't I wake up on time?! I'm sleep-deprived, and I have colds, but nothing will ever suffice as an excuse for a broken promise...I know I'm being too hard on myself on this but guilt is gripping me right now, not just because I wasn't able to come, but more because I never intended to break my promise. I slept at around 10 am after setting the alarm clock at 2:30pm, but I woke up at 5:30pm, at first unaware that it was indeed late in the afternoon. It was only when I looked at the clock that I learned of my body's betrayal, and in panic, I immediately sent a message to Zarah, and even tried to call her; alas, they're probably in the middle of the practice and she can't take my call. There was no way I could make it on time, but I was still tempted to take a bath immediately and rush to the church. And the guilt that haunted me became like a bubble-maker of discouraging thoughts- it led me to asking myself 'Am I being punished?'; 'Am I not ready?'

I could forgive myself for thinking that I probably wasn't ready- I was tired and sick after all; but to let this weak, guilt-tripping mind of mine think that God punishes me, this way, is beyond my understanding, and the wisdom that I ask from Him each day. I had to stop, talk to God in silence, and reflect on what happened in another point of view, one that is rooted in God's love and compassion.

Then it led me to His word that 'There is a time for everything.' Yes I have committed a lot of sins, and I could go on worrying and allowing myself to succumb in guilt and self-pity; but then again, what if it's not about me? What if it's about God, always knowing better than I do, telling me to slow down and rest; that the commitments I made in serving him can wait; and that he wants me to get better first before engaging in new responsibilities? Believe it or not, after 7 hours of sleep, I actually am feeling sleepy again..haha...so much for isolating my body from myself, blaming it for its weakness, my weakness...so now, instead of feeling guilty (well I still do but in lesser intensity), I feel more grateful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for allowing me to rest, and for taking care of everything for me. The messages of understanding from those I talked to are very comforting...

Basta next time, I will do a lot better and with that I mean; 'Magpapagising na ako!' meow