Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Please be careful not to interrupt my sleep:)

Try waking me up when I'm just beginning to sleep and you're in for a big treat- a rare (I've been trying to be good:) opportunity to come face to face with my alter ego- the monster version of me..raar...hahaha

Okay, to be honest with myself, I'm blogging about this because I'm truly, extremely GUILTY. The situation was this: I was tired, it was late-early (around 1-2 am), I had to wake up early the next day, I kept on contacting them the entire afternoon and I waited until late evening for their reply but I didn't get any, and I had just gotten asleep when I had to wake up because of a call- which was not even for something urgent! It could definitely be put off for the next day, with emphasis on DAY. In fairness to me, I remained accommodating and patient until the person I was talking to suggested that she'll call me back again in a while. For some unknown reason, my brain neurons short-circuited upon hearing that and although there was just a very slight change in the tone of my voice, I was able to clearly express that I was irritated and pissed. It was only in broad daylight, after getting my much coveted sleep, that I was able to think things over and reflect on what I did. Maybe they forgot that I was in La Union for vacation, and thought that I was wide awake at work, although that would be really weird because I was supposed to meet them that afternoon. It could also be that they were so busy the entire day they couldn't even take a minute off to send me a text message. Haaay, in my desire to justify how I acted, I end up sounding insincere- am I really guilty?!

Okay, so here's the deal, I am GUILTY because I may cite all the valid reasons in the world for feeling bad, but I will surely fail to identify, even vaguely, one reason that could justify why I had to change the tone of my voice and insist on my suggestion for the sake of ending the conversation. I could've just said "Pwedeng bukas na lang?", but I didn't- I gave in to temptation and allowed my feelings to take over my thoughts...Psalm 4:4 tells us, "In your anger, do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent.", but I did, on my bed (I hope no one takes this 'bed' quoting seriously) aaargh...and even worse, I did it to a friend, a pseudo-boss, a business partner- to a person in front of whom I'm supposed to put my best foot forward. It's definitely much more difficult to exercise prudence and self-control when dealing with family, super close friends, and other people you're most comfortable with- and that's why I flare up more easily with Papa and my sisters.

I believe I'm a morning person. I work on night shifts but I work better at broad daylight, and I'm the type of person who would rather finish everything while I'm still awake, than wake up later to finish work left undone. Actually, sleep is such a strong weakness of mine that I no longer trust myself to overcome it; by that I mean that I could wake up early in the morning to study for a test, or complete a project. For so many times, inilaglag ko ang sarili ko for sleep, which is why I try to exercise intense caution and really evaluate my capability to deal with it and overcome it whenever necessary. And before I lie down and settle on my bed to sleep, make sure that you've said all your requests, asked all your favors, and assigned all the work needed to be done, because if you'd make me do anything that would require me to stand up again, that's already a form of sleep interruption for me, and you already know what could happen...haha

Haaay, my case used to be worse though...I valued sleep so much that I could skip meals for it; and whenever someone wakes me up because I fell asleep on the couch and wants me to transfer to the bedroom, or because they have something to ask from me, even though urgent (for them), I would really give them my crumpled face ALL-OUT. I remember Ate and I fought one time because my sleep was interrupted and she was asking me something but instead of just answering her, which is what I normally do:), I shouted at her (which is also among the things she hates the most). And when Micah had a problem with our printer early in the morning and she had to print a document she's supposed to pass in school that day, she didn't have the guts to wake me up so she had to ask Papa to wake me for her...haha...true enough, I got pissed but of course I still helped her...it may sound like a funny story but the fact that my own sister was afraid to wake me up made me realize that I have some serious 'don't you dare interrupt my sleep' problems. I'm not sure if I can do much about changing the way I feel, but I've been trying to really be cautious with what I say and do even when my emotions are raging inside me. I guess my id's strongest whenever my sleep gets interrupted- but it's supposed to be in those kind of situations, times when I'm weakest, that my character should show, and supposedly-Shine...With that recent fall out, it's now very clear to me that I still have a very looooong way to go...Jesus, help me...I definitely can't do this on my own; but with your grace, I am determined to try and do my best each time, for your glory...

My apologies to all the people who've had first hand experience of my wrath, I hope to do better next time, but please don't tempt me if you can avoid it, it'll save both of us the trouble:) meow

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