Waiting and Holding On

This is one of the many personal reflection papers I arrive at whenever I feel down. And yes, I've been a little down inside these past days, seeing and hearing from and about people getting what they want, and what I've been wanting and praying for too. And no, I'm not in a poor/bad condition or stuck in an ugly circumstance I can't get out of. I am actually good and more than well, with so many reasons to thank God for...but I am still down...and I've learned that the only way I could settle this is to be honest with myself, to recognize the feeling to be able to let it go.


What do you think of the phrase 'Right Where I'm Supposed To Be'? While others use it as a cliche, I had to go through days of reflection to know and understand if this is true for my life. And just when I thought I had everything settled already, challenges come again, to shake me and remind me that life isn't about settling, but growing; and that God, the author of my life, is the only one who knows everything, and the only one I can hold on to.You would probably think that I take life very seriously; well not always, but this is one of the things I consider important.

When I started working, I was grateful but at the same time, I had my eyes set on something else. I thought it was a good thing, always having something better to look forward to. I had it all envisioned in my mind- the job I'd like to have, the post-grad studies I was gonna take, how I would go here and be like this after a certain amount of years. As they say, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. But the Word of God tells me something different...

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.


Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

And now that my heart is troubled, it is only in You Father God that I can find strength, comfort, and refuge. When I am weak, when I have done everything I could, when all I can do is wait, praying and keeping on believing; You are the strong, almighty and all-knowing God who hears my prayers, and who knows and does what is best.

Lord, as the song goes, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Help me to just hold on and mean it, because my own heart is failing me; but not what I want, but Your will be done in my life. Help me understand Father, and to wait patiently, as you reveal each day your great and wonderful plan in my life.
Give me the strength to train myself, taking heart that "there is a perfect time for everything", and replacing all the bitterness and envy in my heart with thanksgiving, for all the blessings you continuously give to me and my family.

And with a renewed Spirit each day, fill my heart with joy and gladness as I choose to thank, to believe, and to remember your goodness and faithfulness, always and forever in my life.

My security is in You Father God, and once again I offer all my plans, wants and needs into your loving hands; You whose wisdom is unfathomable, and whose love, grace, and mercy endures forever.

And once again, my personal reflection ended in a prayer to God. I always find talking to God better than talking to myself. That goes to say that I don't trust in my own abilities, God-given they may be, as they're mixed up with my own will and many other things, ugly stuff included. I'd rather go straight to the source of all wisdom and understanding and be enlightened with His Word, for while there's a huge chance that I'll fail myself, I know God will never fail me.

I may not be exactly where I want to be, but in God, I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I actually have so many things to thank Him for! After more than a year, I'll be taking on the commitment and challenge of leading worship in church once again. It's familiar ground but I still am nervous; but I'm also very excited, very blessed, and grateful to serve my God this way once again. It was actually a reminder that He knows exactly when to throw things at me, that He's got big plans and purposes in my life. It's just that my human heart sometimes (most of the time actually) fails to recognize that God's perfect time, no matter how long I have to wait, will prevail and when it does, it will just blow me away:)

Thank you so so much Father God. I entrust my entire life unto thy loving hands. Thank you for the privilege of knowing You. May You grant me the grace each day to wait on You, and to give glory to your name in everything I do. I love you so much and always and forever, I am yours! Please never let me go:)