Thoughts on Psalm 84

This morning, I had fresh insights as I read Psalm 84 so let me put them down into writing before they slip off my mind..hehe

I've always considered it as the psalm where the song "Blessed" by Hillsong was based, and usually focused on v. 4 and v. 10, which declare that blessed are those who dwell in the house of the Lord. In connection to this, I've usually related the house of the Lord to the church and the physical building.

But as I read the entire psalm this morning and prayed it as my own, I realized that more than dwelling in the house of the Lord here on earth, my soul was longing to be with the Lord in His eternal dwelling place, in heaven. As I proclaimed v. 1 and v. 2, I knew I was longing and hoping for something more.

And then I came to v. 5 which says

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

Then I realized that Psalm 84 is my prayer, and the prayer of many other Christians who have set their eyes on the eternal, and have understood that our life here on earth is a journey towards something far greater, as great as being with God.

It is a prayer of those who depend on God for strength to live each day towards God's direction; because we all know it is not easy. But we do our best with the grace of God, because there's no place we'd rather be but with Him. I actually share the sentiments of the psalmist in v. 10 when he said 'I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked'; because I know I'm not the best Christian there is. I lack and fail in so many aspects and disciplines including discipling others; but I keep on trying anyway, if it would please my Master enough for Him to let me enter. I would accept any role He would give me in heaven if only I can be with Him, because being with Him is more than enough. (I say this with a prayer as I guard my heart, that the Lord will keep me grounded, gracious and humble until He comes)

As we press on, we are given an assurance in v. 11 and 12 which says

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Thank you Lord:)

Praise and Worship 30-day Devo Challenge on Psalms Day 1

Last Sunday I was given this sheet of paper as part of the Praise and Worship team in our church. I looked at it and I figured, this would be easy so I immediately wrote my name and signed on the response form then handed it over to our band leader.

Three days later, I still haven't written anything on my journal. I read Psalm 1 yesterday but was too tired to write my insights. I'm currently down with pharyngitis (sore throat, body malaise) so I begged off work today. I've been sleeping since early last night and I've been itching to start on this so here I am, finally...Thank you Lord for this opportunity to just rest, lie down, and finally get started on this devo challenge.

Now on to business...

Apple tree image copied from this site

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one

who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

or sit in the company of mockers,

2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither—

whatever they do prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!

They are like chaff

that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,

nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,

but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

Psalm 1 is not only a fitting introduction to the entire book but to this challenge as well, as it reminds us to delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on His Word day and night. I have failed in this big time and have not been faithful in consciously allotting time for devotion. Many times I've substituted reading the Word with other Christian books but in my heart I knew that my soul is longing for God to speak to me purely without any distractions through His raw Word. Even worse, there were many times that I rejected time with Him altogether, desiring other things that seemingly gave me relief from all my responsibilities at work, in the church and to my family. 

The man who delights in the law is contrasted with one who walks in the step of the wicked or stands in the way that sinners take. I understand this by experience because it is during my weak and failing times in meditating God's Word that I'm also weakest against the sins and addictions I've been trying to overcome in my life. 

But a person who meditates the law is likened to a tree that yields its fruit in season, and whose leaf does not wither. I've been taught to seek God even more intently in times of weakness and tiredness, only to find myself doing exactly the opposite. Like many others, I get disheartened when I don't get to see the fruits of my labor - in myself, in the people I disciple, and in the ministry. But here I am, inspired to persevere and to keep on laboring in the Word, with the reminder that the fruit will not always be present, but it will appear in its perfect time and season. And while the fruit will not always be there, there will always be leaves that will not wither, and they should be enough for me to press on. God further promised, 'whatever they do prospers...for He watches over the way of the righteous'.

I am far from righteous but I belong to the group that consistently tries to be one. Ang kapal na ng mukha ko actually, asking for forgiveness from God each time I fail (which happens often), getting back up praying and hoping that I'll be stronger to resist temptation next time, with His grace, and powered by the strength that comes from Him. 

But despite my failures and limitations, the Lord has been faithful in blessing me tremendously, truly more than I have asked or ever imagined. By the end of this month I'll be awarded as Most Outstanding Nurse 2014 in our institution. It is a privilege that fills my heart so, because it is a validation of the passion and perseverance I've been putting in my work which I also consider as my ministry.

I am thankful to all the people who have helped me, and to my leaders who have supported me and pushed me beyond my abilities. But as I receive the award, I hope to give glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who gives me extraordinary strength each day, and who inspires me to always give my very best for He deserves nothing less. 

Father, may you continue to grant me the grace to strive to be righteous, holy and pleasing unto thy sight. It is my prayer that when you look at me, you would not see anything that would make you turn away. Help me live by what your son Jesus has done for me on the cross more than 2000 years ago. And by your Spirit, may I have the strength to overcome all challenges and emerge victorious in Your Name.

Thank you and I love you,

Katy

P.S. If it is according to your will to skip the normal disease process..hehe.., please heal me already please. I want to go back to my normal self again. But if this is your way of telling me to slow down and rest, then I'll be glad to abide, trusting that everything (work, ministry activities on hold) will all fall into place. 

Favored at 26

As my birth month comes to a close (almost), allow me once again to thank my Creator, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit for the gifts of a past that I could learn from and treasure in my heart, a present I can relish- opportunities to do things right and give Him glory, and a future...a bright future I can be sure of, not because I am confident of my abilities but because I believe and I am sure that He who promised is faithful.

You are Faithful...that's what you are Lord, and as I celebrated my 26th birthday, you showed me that you are more than faithful. You not only grant our needs but you also grant favors, the perfect gifts, and our heart's desires according to your will.

This month, I received gifts and favors of all forms and packages and my heart is full of gladness and thanksgiving.

First, I have the gift of family and friends who surprised me, celebrated with me, and made me feel very special.

Second, I received gifts that delighted my heart and made me so happy BIG TIME. Thank you Ate for fulfilling my Baking dream by buy buying an oven and a bigger and better refrigerator; to Papa who only wanted to sponsor my mixer but ended up sponsoring a lot more baking things, and to Micah for giving me extra money which I also spent on more baking things...haha. On top of that, I got my favorite cake from Sugarhouse (also from Ate), and a new Happy Skin Beauty in Bloom blusher to add to my Happy Skin kit (from Ate and Ate Mary). I also got new goblets from Maam Hazel who remembered how much I enjoyed them. I've been using the oven every week since and have been semi-successful (for a first timer..hehe) in roasting chicken, making lasagna, banana cake, and just yesterday, chocolate chip cookies...more to come!

I've also been remembered and greeted by the sweetest friends. Thank you Lord for allowing me to catch up with my college groupmates Barbi and Gregg, for the resources to treat my coworkers in the hospital, my family and my cell group; plus more resources for pending celebrations with my mother cell and praise and worship Team B. Not that I owe anything to this people but I also want to share the blessings I've been receiving to them.

The many holidays this month only make my birthday all the more happier (redundancy intended for emphasis...hehe) even though it's been raining hard these past days. I've also been granted a wonderful favor (not allowed to talk about it yet but will make a mental note to write about it once I receive it) from God through the people I work for and I am just very grateful for the opportunity to work hard and make a contribution.

August has been very busy but it's no longer ghost month for me anymore. I am hoping it won't be in the future once I pursue my dream to become a doctor but whatever happens, I have faith that as I remain steadfast in my walk with God, things are only gonna get better.

Father, you are the giver of perfect gifts. I don't deserve all these things and I'm still struggling to please you with all of me but thank you for not giving up on me. Teach me and help me to overcome my own selfish desires as I learn to fill my heart and mind only with the things that are from you. For the years to come, my desire is to please you and to make your Spirit at home in me even more, until you are king overall...no buts, no ifs. I love you and once again, a BIG thank you! 

A New Beginning

Hello there:)

This is me trying to beat my laziness and write again from my heart. It's been ages since I last visited this site and if you're asking what happened and what changed...well, I have just finished crying while reading my favorite blogger Patty Laurel's beautiful and insightful post on how it has been for her and her newborn Theo in the first 15 days of Theo's life.

No, I cannot relate yet  with how she faced her motherhood struggles but I felt guilty somehow, because there she was struggling to write despite the challenges while here I am, not totally busy 'busy' but for some reason (laziness and procrastination is a big factor), I just gave up on it. And I'm not just talking about keeping an online journal..I mean writing altogether.

And as I sit here on the bed typing just whatever comes to mind, I realized not just how I miss this, but how much I needed this.

And now I'm crying because I am very very sorry. I am sorry because I know in my heart that this was not just a 'phase' but a heart issue. I'm sorry Lord if I've neglected myself..if I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with work, family, ministry and other trivial things that I thought I had a good-enough-excuse for not processing my thoughts and feelings and talk to you this way. I know I've been selfish and have considered myself entitled to do whatever I wanted during my free time 'just because' ___________ [I've been working hard, this is my only enjoyment, etc.]. I have not been faithful...and just when I thought I was doing the right things to recharge myself, you remind me of how you wired me - with thoughts and feelings that I process best as I talk to you through writing.

And this feels good [am referring to both writing and crying..hehe] so as I claim your forgiveness I thank you for drawing me back to this...and I trust that you would grant me the grace to keep going back to the discipline of writing even when the times are tough and the distractions are super distracting..hehe

Now on what to write...I'm no longer going back on the events and thoughts in the past that I considered 'blog-worthy' but was too busy write. Instead, allow me to pour my heart out on what made me come back.

As I read about how Patty rejoices in gratefulness in this most difficult yet rewarding time of her life, I was reminded about the things that made me write. I've always considered writing as therapeutic and when I was younger and attempting to be cool I labeled it as 'writing for sanity'. And while it's true that writing helped me handle my emotions better, I also knew that I could keep my sanity with or without it.

And then I wanted to be socially relevant. I also wanted to inspire and lead people to Jesus. I wanted to spread good vibes with my words and to remind people to 'Always Love.' With this secret journal, I am highly doubtful that I was able to achieve any of those things with my mostly personal, sometimes insightful posts. And with all those things I wanted to but was too shy to accomplish, which translates to a lack of clear purpose, somewhere along the way I just got tired and gave up.

Nowadays I've been busy with the usual things and whatever free time I had, I spent it playing my favorite Cooking Fever [yes, I still want to cook in my games] or reading books. But this afternoon I was reminded of what makes me write...or on a more rudimentary level, what fills my heart.

Then I'm reminded of the words that are hardly absent in all of my writings...the words Thank You. Whether I'm telling a story or keeping a record of my memories and insights, I always end up giving thanks. What would start in angst and intense sadness always ends in thanksgiving, with the hope that Jesus, my Lord and my friend, would come through for me and would fulfill his wonderful plan in my life.

So yes, after months of going around, dilly-dallying and doing a lot of things without really feeling that ooomph [haha..I'm finding it difficult to put it into words] or that  peace and contentment that I'm doing the right things, here I am trying to figure things out and go back to one thing I'm sure I should be doing...not to be sane or to attempt to accomplish something far beyond myself [although it would be a great bonus] but simply because I am GRATEFUL, and this is one way [which I also enjoy] I can express how grateful I am to God for giving me this life, for surrounding me with people who love me and care for me, for putting me right where He wants me to be, at the center of His will [I pray] to worship Him and be the child that He has destined for me to become.

And this is very timely because because...I am turning 26 on Wednesday (August 5, 2015)! Which had me thinking, did I just undergo a quarterlife crisis?..hehe..but seriously, my heart is filled with love, joy and gratefulness for what God has been doing in my life. Awhile ago I thought it would just be another birthday, but thank you Lord for this early gift of soul rejuvenation [I'm not sure how I should call it..haha]. With a renewed sense of gratefulness, I now see with a different perspective the wonder of what you have done, have been doing, and what will continue to do in my life. My wish and prayer is for your will to be revealed and accomplished in the days to come. Help me not be pasaway and resist your plan [but my prayer remains that if it's not your will for me to become a doctor, please don't lead me too far and break my heart] but if I am doing the right thing and not just following me heart but your heart also, please help me remain steadfast even amidst opposition and challenges.

I have already received the ultimate gift through your son Jesus Christ, and I am filled and overflowing with so much love and blessings from You. But you did not stop there. You also honor my heart's desires according to your will and I am very very very very grateful.

I've always said that 2015 is a year of transition for me, and I admit that I have my fears and insecurities. But let them not overwhelm me Lord as I hold on to your perfect love...and the assurance you have given me though your Word that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. [James 1:17]"

And so to You who is the source of a love so great and eternal, unchanging and unfailing; to You who gives the best, not just good but perfect gifts and treats; to You who is the source of joy and peace that never run out and which do not yield to the storms of life; and to You, my Father, my friend, who delights in me and loves me like no other, to You I give all glory, praise and honor for what you have done in the past 26 years, and for what you will continue to do in the next many many more years! I love you Lord and Thank you!


With a grateful heart,
Katy

The Search for the Best Throat Reliever

As a singer (ehem..ehem) even only during weekends in church, throat discomfort is big deal for me. What's even ironic is how easily I get it even just by eating a piece of chocolate or any sweets, failing to drink water, and talking for more than 30 mins.

I give lectures in the hospital so this is difficult to avoid but I try my best to rest my voice whenever I can. I always have water with me for emergency and I drink lots of it too. I try to avoid cold drinks including cold water, as well as fruit juices that dry the throat. I really try to suppress my urge to eat ice cream but when all strategies fail..hehe..I let the ice cream melt in my mouth first so the temperature is higher when it reaches my throat. Finally, I have my go to rituals to prevent sore throat such as drinking apple cider tonic with honey or hot tea with honey, using an antibacterial gargle, and taking an antibacterial lozenge.

But this afternoon while I visited Healthy Options to buy bottles of organic apple cider vinegar..I saw this-

I was interested with 'Throat Coat', but what got me was what was written in the product label which says, "With a smooth and silky feeling, this blend of comforting and slightly slimy-in-a-good-way herbs is like taking your voice on a vacation"..o di ba?!..haha

So even though I'm not a fan of flower-based teas, I decided to buy it and give it a try. I did not read the instructions before preparing it so I was not able to let it seep for 10-15 minutes but I hope I'll still be able to enjoy the benefits in full. It's a bit sweet though not in an irritating way (but I don't really like flower teas that much) and I feel this sweet sensation in my throat, which I hope are the herbs giving my throat its much needed vacation..hehe

I'll try the leaf variant next time if this works..bukas magkakaalaman..hehe

Thank you Lord for a productive worship practice this evening, for this discovery, and for the talents and resources you've been giving me. Allow me to give my very best tomorrow as I give it my all, singing your greatness and goodness out for all to hear! Love you!

Unexpected Blessings

I've been applying the prayer of Jabez since last week, asking God for more blessings; and now, asking as well for greater influence or opportunities to be a channel of His blessings.

As I was listening to Pastor Nixon's message last Sunday, I realized the timing of my current greatest blessing, the opportunity to fulfill my dream to become a doctor. Back then, the answer to the question, Why I want to become a doctor? was not so clear. The answer to the question, Why can't I become a doctor? were clearer and they were a frequent source of my bouts of self-pity..haay. Thankfully, I got answers to the other questions in my head and in the past four (4) years that I've been serving as a nurse in a lead tertiary specialty center in the country for renal diseases (naks..hehe..), the reason behind why I became a nurse become clearer to me each day. I've already written my thoughts in the past about being 'right where I'm supposed to be' and I love my profession as a nurse. Having that experience of caring for people you do not know as if you are caring for a loved one has been good for my soul, and I am 100% sure that I've been called by God to be a channel of His love in the area of healing/healthcare.

But with that understanding also grew a desire to be able to do better, and do more as God's instrument of healing. From a clinical nurse, I was assigned to be a research and continuous quality improvement nurse. From bedside care, I suddenly found myself assisting leaders in making policies, research studies, and continuous quality improvement initiatives to improve patient safety and the overall care we provide to all our patients. And in my desire to become better in my work, I enrolled in the Master of Arts in Nursing program of a university, with the ultimate dream of becoming a Doctor of Epidemiology so I would be really good in doing research..haha...then 3 days before my enrollment for 2nd semester, I was suddenly faced with a detour. But it was a detour I welcomed with open arms and much excitement and anticipation because the dream is no longer just to become a doctor. At 25, the dream is now to become a better healer, whether in the area of direct patient care, in research, or both.

So I decided to put my post-grad plans on hold temporarily until God asks me to permanently put it away. I am enjoying this season of uncertainty, just allowing God to lead me where He wants me to be because I'm certain it would be awesome. I am reminded by the lines from the song Ocean, which has become a prayer of my heart:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my feet will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior

And there's a different kind of joy that comes with unexpected blessings, just like a few things I received this week:
- Much needed help and assistance with the Prayer Team
- Free favorite Jamaican patty merienda treat from Gemma:)
- free cardigans from Maam Vicky
- and my boss' consideration for the 'deadlines' we have not been meeting..hehe

So I say thank you Lord for blessing me indeed! According to your will, I pray that you would grant my desire to become a doctor, to be able to help others and have greater influence at work and in our community. Thank you very much!

Love,

Katy

Jesus, our Mediator and Intercessor

Here are my highlight revelations for the week from the book of Job. I didn't notice these the first time I read it but thank God for devotionals, and for always giving us new insights when we study His Word.

Thank you Lord for giving us Jesus to be a mediator, our Messiah. Indeed, you love us so much. And now we can stand before you freely, not on the basis of who we are, but because of what you have done for us. Help me to share who you are especially to those who are suffering, that they may know the truth that in Jesus, we have a mediator, and a great intercessor:) Thank you thank you thank you!

My 3rd Painting

A record of this sweet milestone is long overdue so before I forget, here are a few pictures of my 3rd painting (1st and 2nd were projects in highschool which were both done 10 years ago) that I lovingly and painstakingly made one random Friday night with the guidance of instructors at Sip and Gogh. It was such a fun and relaxing experience, it was an effort not to keep smiling on the way home..haha..I hope to be back soon!

The Prayer of Jabez

It's already Week 6 of 2015 and I have not been faithful in keeping up with my resolve to write a journal entry or blog post at least once a week...huhu

But I also resolved to not be too hard on myself and to learn how to let minor things pass so I won't make a big deal out of it....but but but I'll do my best to work on it - to be more committed and consistent in keeping documented records of how God has been so good to me each week.

The love month has already started:), but in church (Fairview Christian Fellowship reprezzzent!) we're not doing the usual sermon series on love. Yesterday we started a series on 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 entitled "The Prayer for Breakthrough Living".

I've meditated on the Prayer of Jabez a few times in the past but the application usually centered on ministry and missions. But part of the application of the message Pastor Nixon gave yesterday was to 'pray the first part of the Jabez Prayer everyday for the next 30 days and record all the blessings you received especially those that you did not expect.'

I did that just this morning and I felt so relieved and excited at the same time, to see how God will bless me tremendously because I asked. I also consider this as an exercise because although I've always known that He is good and mighty, and that He can give me beyond anything I ask or ever imagine; more often, I find it difficult to ask.

It's easier for me to ask for my needs such as anointing each time I would lead praise and worship, or wisdom and eloquence whenever I would speak in front of a crowd; but with the things I desire, no matter how much I want them, I somehow feel that it's wrong to ask.

Even with my parents, Ate would usually tell me, 'hindi ka kasi humihingi'. The good thing is, I understand where this aversion to asking is coming from; the bad news is, it isn't a happy story.

I can still remember that day, I was probably around 8-9 years old, when I resolved not to ask and to be as self-sufficient as possible. It was one of the saddest moments of my childhood - when I felt so unloved and the middle child issues within me were at their strongest. It even got to the point when I got sick but didn't tell anyone because I was so determined not to ask for help...but they learned anyway because I literally could not get up from bed because of high fever...and now I'm in tears..badtrip..haha

Now many years later, even though I've been liberated from those issues by God's grace, I guess old habits are hard to die. With Papa sometimes, there's also this assumption of mine that he would not grant my request anyway (and I hate disappointments..haha) so I'd rather not ask...you see, if other people have a false sense of entitlement; I, on the other hand, have been training myself not to feel entitled for different reasons. First, I feel guilty because I usually mistake it with discontent; second, I do not like disappointments which I get whenever I get the guts to ask only to be turned down; and third, because of pride I guess.

But with God, I know it's different. And He has proven to me many times in the past how much He loves me and wants to give the best for me. And now as I look back, I remember the times when I just cried out in desperation because there was no way I could be self-sufficient in that particular situation, and I realized...it was when breakthrough came...I also realized that I should not worry too much about mixing my desires up with discontent for as long I put God's will and His glory on top of everything I desire. Besides, I'm PRAYING..haha..so I should not be afraid. I'm confident that as I keep on praying, God would set my heart right if I'm praying with the wrong motives, or if I'm not yet ready for what I'm asking. But foremost, I must ASK:)

In relation to this, God has blessed me recently with an opportunity to study medicine and fulfill my deepest desire to become a doctor. I did not pray for it (and now I regret that I didn't) but I've been crying out to God about it, not for the opportunity to become a doctor though, but for the peace and contentment to accept what has been given me (I know...I WAS that kind of person). I realized now that He is giving me much much more than I asked or ever imagine. Before the offer came, I already gave up on becoming a doctor...but when it came, the intense joy I felt reminded me that in my heart, I never stopped dreaming that I would someday make a greater impact in the healing profession as a doctor. And God always knew. I guess He realized I was never going to ask for it, He got tired and decided to just give it..haha

So now, at 25 years old, here I am juggling work with reviewing for the NMAT. Many people around me are giving me a reality check - that I'll be old by the time I get to practice as a doctor..but I'm unfazed..haha..because I am confident that if God willed me to become a doctor, He would take care of everything.

As for me, I'll keep on praying and exercising the discipline of Asking...from the God of 'how much more', the God who honors dreams and desires for His glory, and the God who loves me so so much!

I hope to write about the blessings I'll be receiving in the past days as I pray the prayer of Jabez! Thank you Lord!

Love,

Katy    

Week 3 Insights- Papal Visit, Let it Drop, 5 CSs in which God Guides Us

One of the things I hope to do this 2015 is to write (whether here or on my trusted journal) at least once a week about how God has been good to me, the things He taught me or revealed to me, how I've been, the things I went through and related stuff. It was a commitment I made during the camp I attended before 2014 ended, but which was also a bit of a compromise because no matter how much I appreciate the beauty of writing down my thoughts especially conversations with God and amazing milestones, I can't seem to bring myself to do it daily. If it still isn't obvious, I'm an introvert writer (if there's such a thing) which means, I am not too comfortable sharing my notes to others. Part of it include days (okay, most days) when I just want to keep my thoughts to myself without any desire to write it, only to regret later on that I didn't keep a record of it. Besides, I know I can blame it on the introversion all I want but it would still boil down to my laziness..hehe..so I realistically aimed at writing once a week...and so far so good! Yey!

Today is the first day of the long weekend (January 15-19) to give way to the Papal Visit. I am not Catholic but I like the example Pope Francis is showing Christians- on living a life of love, mercy, and compassion. And just like what Pope Francis has been pointing at, I hope all the people who admire him will know more of Jesus because of his example. May they go beyond seeing Pope Francis as he is, to seeing who is behind what he has become, the amazing God who transforms lives for His glory.

We're also on our 5th day of prayer and fasting in our church and I admit that I am not as focused and as controlled. I initially committed that I would eat only 1 meal a day but yesterday, at around 10 am, I gave up and ate a bread because I was already beginning to feel irritated with the people who asked help from me. Pressure's high at work these days because of the many requirements we have to accomplish so before committing an even greater sin, I said a prayer and ate one piece of pandesal (with ham and cheese..hehe). After all, I am sure God would not delight in my sacrifice if I harbor ill thoughts against my neighbor because I was hungry; but to be able to have done both - obedience and sacrifice would have been better. Right now and until tomorrow, I committed to a one meal fast and every night, we gather as a family to discuss our daily prayer and fasting devotion. This is a first for us because we usually pray and fast individually, but doing it with family certainly makes the hunger easier to bear. Our daily devotion focuses on the armour of God; and God has been revealing to me the devil's strongholds in my life that need to be destroyed, as well as its attacks I need to be guarded from. But more than being guilty, I long to be liberated from all of Satan's lies. I know I am a work in progress but I've been failing more lately. Thankfully, I have a God who never fails and never gives up on me and in Him I know I am an overcomer. So as I rely not on my own strength, I intend to strengthen God's armour on  me by praying and studying His Word more frequently and intentionally.

In relation to that, I recently finished Joyce Meyer's New Day New You devotional in Youversion Bible and certainly gained a lot of revelations and tips on how I could work on my emotions. One of my favorite lessons was on letting things drop, trusting God and letting Him work instead of worrying about things that are beyond my control. And even if it's within my control, I'm gonna practice majoring only on the majors and loosening my hold on everything else. It would take discarding a big chunk of my pride, which is a good thing, and just trusting God and offering to Him all my concerns in prayer. Aaaand so far, so good..I think:)

Finally, I'm also on Bible in a Year devotional, still in Youversion Bible, and while I find the readings a lot longer than what I'm used to, the insights I've been getting are most profound and helpful in understanding the Word so even though I'm behind with the lessons, I intend to stick with it and use the long weekend to catch up.  

This morning, I particularly took note of what I read on 5 CSs in Which God Guides Us. I found it very insightful and useful that I wrote it on my physical journal and I'm also writing it here again for anyone who might find these nuggets of wisdom useful as well. These were illustrated in Genesis 24:1-67, the story of how Abraham's servant knew that Rebekah was God's chosen wife for Isaac. This does not only apply to choosing a partner though, and can be used when discerning God's guidance for our decisions.

1. Commanding Scripture (v. 3-4)
- God commanded His people to marry only believers in Him.

2. Compelling Spirit (v. 12, 15)
- guided by God, listening to Him and being led by the Holy Spirit as we pray...so pray
v.45 'Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out'

3. Common Sense
- The choice of Rebekah made sense (v. 16) for she was not only beautiful, but also generous, gracious and kind (v.19).

4. Counsel of the Saints
- Godly advice; Rebekah and Isaac chose (v. 57, 67) following the counsel of the saints especially their parents who recognized that this is from the Lord (v. 50)

5. Circumstantial Signs (v. 12-26)
- The servant asked for signs and got exactly what he asked for. The signs he asked were not random but a test of character of Rebekah, which she fulfilled.

From Bible in One Year, Commentary by Nicky and Pippa Gumbel, Youversion Bible

On top of my daily devotion, I have a lot of pending readings and reviewers to devour and I am having a difficult time 'starting'. May God grant me the grace, and the momentum to excellently accomplish all my responsibilities and commitments for His glory! I'm feeling sleepy now so there...may I be able to keep this up for the entire year!

Love,

Katy

Won't Be Destroyed

...claiming this because my biggest struggle in the past year and up to now is how I get so sad, disappointed and discouraged easily; hence, my volatile emotions..

But with 2015 comes new opportunities and beginnings- to restore my bubbly self by disciplining myself to have faith, to keep on praying, and let go of my negative emotions instead of dwelling on them, which unknowingly leads to nurturing them.

But as what God has revealed to Joyce Meyer, when we get disappointed, we can get reappointed! So super thank you Lord that you do not let me become gloomy, but you lead me to learning ways on how I can get back up and conquer all worries and sadness!

Thank you for keeping me company (been singing Keep Me Company by Walkie Talkies in my head..hehe) and for reminding me each time that your joy is my strength; therefore, in you, I would never be destroyed:)

2-0-1-5

Well hello there 2015...

Now that you've arrived, I also recognize that the holiday vacation will soon be over before I know it, so before I get caught up in business once again, allow me to whip up my traditional year-end and new year post as my way of concretely looking back and looking forward.

I also recently came from our One Move-One Wave Camp at church where I was a part-time camper, part-time speaker. I spoke about the benefits of consistency (BIG Word), but despite projecting the image of someone who's consistent, I must confess that I've been finding it difficult to start doing the commitments I made in the same camp.

It's just January 1, I know, and I'm probably being too hard on myself; but I intend to start this year right so through this post, I hope to begin fulfilling my goal to journal (physical or virtual) at least once a week on my insights and highlights.

It's just Metro Manila for us this year's holidays and the Paglicawan Annual Family Reunion was a blast as usual. It was held at The Ipil Gardens in Marikina (definitely a nice place for events and reunions) and were hosted by Tito Ed and Tita Helen's brood. It was Alfie's first time to join our reunion and it was stressful both for him and us, but the kids enjoyed having him around and I bet he also enjoyed it too especially the balloons and pingpong balls..hehe! Tita Saline, Kuya Jan, and Ivan also joined us for the first time. They also stayed in the house for about a week and these are some of my observations: (1) My lungs could hardly stand cigarette smoke so I'm very blessed that nobody in our household smokes and I only had to bear with it for a week; and (2) Having a toddler in the house is fun but we're not used to the disorganization and clutter associated with it...the oc-oc in me could not help but be stressed whenever he would step on the carpet with his outdoor slippers on...hehe

Speaking of carpet, a lot has been added to beautify our humble home such as indoor plants, our new dining table, some decorations here and there and a much bigger television. Our home is one of our highlights and one of God's wonderful blessings to our family in 2014 and I'm very grateful (especially in times of storms and strong winds) that we have this shelter to protect us and keep us warm and safe.

Each day, I praise God for another chance at life, for protection, good health and provision, but among my highlights include:
- Promotion to Nurse II (thank you Lord!)
- my stint and unexpected win as Ms. Nursing 1st Runner up (highlight pa rin to..haha)
- HMA win of our Paper Reduction Initiative, God's favor at work through my bosses, and little victories and accomplishments each day
- Consistent song leading at church, and my being part of the Prayer Team, One Wave core
- My cell group with Kat and my own cell group with Jam and Nona
- God's provision for my masteral studies
- and the biggest surprise and promise of the future: Med School in 2016! (I'm claiming it na po Lord:)

And once again, I can't help but be teary-eyed just remembering how faithful you have been then and now. Despite my struggles, you've been there...you have always been there for me, waiting for me to get hold of myself and remember who you are and who I am because of what you have done for me.

So thank you Lord! and as I enter 2015, I confess that I have this little dread not knowing what the future will bring; but I intend to fight it and triumph over it as I hold on to your perfect love that drives out all fears. I can't say with certainty Lord that I've become a better person with my fairly equal amount of hits and misses, but I hope that as I sincerely try, you would continue to help me overcome my emotions and my tendency to worry too much. Help me to rejoice and not be too serious with stuffs..hehe..but teach me to be serious as well on things that really matter.

This 2015, I'm believing You for wonderful surprises yet again, as I prepare myself for what you have set aside for me in 2016:) Your will be done in my life Lord, and may all of me give glory to You now and always!

Happy New Year from Seezums and Alfie!

Love,

Katy