The Prayer of Jabez

It's already Week 6 of 2015 and I have not been faithful in keeping up with my resolve to write a journal entry or blog post at least once a week...huhu

But I also resolved to not be too hard on myself and to learn how to let minor things pass so I won't make a big deal out of it....but but but I'll do my best to work on it - to be more committed and consistent in keeping documented records of how God has been so good to me each week.

The love month has already started:), but in church (Fairview Christian Fellowship reprezzzent!) we're not doing the usual sermon series on love. Yesterday we started a series on 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 entitled "The Prayer for Breakthrough Living".

I've meditated on the Prayer of Jabez a few times in the past but the application usually centered on ministry and missions. But part of the application of the message Pastor Nixon gave yesterday was to 'pray the first part of the Jabez Prayer everyday for the next 30 days and record all the blessings you received especially those that you did not expect.'

I did that just this morning and I felt so relieved and excited at the same time, to see how God will bless me tremendously because I asked. I also consider this as an exercise because although I've always known that He is good and mighty, and that He can give me beyond anything I ask or ever imagine; more often, I find it difficult to ask.

It's easier for me to ask for my needs such as anointing each time I would lead praise and worship, or wisdom and eloquence whenever I would speak in front of a crowd; but with the things I desire, no matter how much I want them, I somehow feel that it's wrong to ask.

Even with my parents, Ate would usually tell me, 'hindi ka kasi humihingi'. The good thing is, I understand where this aversion to asking is coming from; the bad news is, it isn't a happy story.

I can still remember that day, I was probably around 8-9 years old, when I resolved not to ask and to be as self-sufficient as possible. It was one of the saddest moments of my childhood - when I felt so unloved and the middle child issues within me were at their strongest. It even got to the point when I got sick but didn't tell anyone because I was so determined not to ask for help...but they learned anyway because I literally could not get up from bed because of high fever...and now I'm in tears..badtrip..haha

Now many years later, even though I've been liberated from those issues by God's grace, I guess old habits are hard to die. With Papa sometimes, there's also this assumption of mine that he would not grant my request anyway (and I hate disappointments..haha) so I'd rather not ask...you see, if other people have a false sense of entitlement; I, on the other hand, have been training myself not to feel entitled for different reasons. First, I feel guilty because I usually mistake it with discontent; second, I do not like disappointments which I get whenever I get the guts to ask only to be turned down; and third, because of pride I guess.

But with God, I know it's different. And He has proven to me many times in the past how much He loves me and wants to give the best for me. And now as I look back, I remember the times when I just cried out in desperation because there was no way I could be self-sufficient in that particular situation, and I realized...it was when breakthrough came...I also realized that I should not worry too much about mixing my desires up with discontent for as long I put God's will and His glory on top of everything I desire. Besides, I'm PRAYING..haha..so I should not be afraid. I'm confident that as I keep on praying, God would set my heart right if I'm praying with the wrong motives, or if I'm not yet ready for what I'm asking. But foremost, I must ASK:)

In relation to this, God has blessed me recently with an opportunity to study medicine and fulfill my deepest desire to become a doctor. I did not pray for it (and now I regret that I didn't) but I've been crying out to God about it, not for the opportunity to become a doctor though, but for the peace and contentment to accept what has been given me (I know...I WAS that kind of person). I realized now that He is giving me much much more than I asked or ever imagine. Before the offer came, I already gave up on becoming a doctor...but when it came, the intense joy I felt reminded me that in my heart, I never stopped dreaming that I would someday make a greater impact in the healing profession as a doctor. And God always knew. I guess He realized I was never going to ask for it, He got tired and decided to just give it..haha

So now, at 25 years old, here I am juggling work with reviewing for the NMAT. Many people around me are giving me a reality check - that I'll be old by the time I get to practice as a doctor..but I'm unfazed..haha..because I am confident that if God willed me to become a doctor, He would take care of everything.

As for me, I'll keep on praying and exercising the discipline of Asking...from the God of 'how much more', the God who honors dreams and desires for His glory, and the God who loves me so so much!

I hope to write about the blessings I'll be receiving in the past days as I pray the prayer of Jabez! Thank you Lord!

Love,

Katy