Unexpected Blessings

I've been applying the prayer of Jabez since last week, asking God for more blessings; and now, asking as well for greater influence or opportunities to be a channel of His blessings.

As I was listening to Pastor Nixon's message last Sunday, I realized the timing of my current greatest blessing, the opportunity to fulfill my dream to become a doctor. Back then, the answer to the question, Why I want to become a doctor? was not so clear. The answer to the question, Why can't I become a doctor? were clearer and they were a frequent source of my bouts of self-pity..haay. Thankfully, I got answers to the other questions in my head and in the past four (4) years that I've been serving as a nurse in a lead tertiary specialty center in the country for renal diseases (naks..hehe..), the reason behind why I became a nurse become clearer to me each day. I've already written my thoughts in the past about being 'right where I'm supposed to be' and I love my profession as a nurse. Having that experience of caring for people you do not know as if you are caring for a loved one has been good for my soul, and I am 100% sure that I've been called by God to be a channel of His love in the area of healing/healthcare.

But with that understanding also grew a desire to be able to do better, and do more as God's instrument of healing. From a clinical nurse, I was assigned to be a research and continuous quality improvement nurse. From bedside care, I suddenly found myself assisting leaders in making policies, research studies, and continuous quality improvement initiatives to improve patient safety and the overall care we provide to all our patients. And in my desire to become better in my work, I enrolled in the Master of Arts in Nursing program of a university, with the ultimate dream of becoming a Doctor of Epidemiology so I would be really good in doing research..haha...then 3 days before my enrollment for 2nd semester, I was suddenly faced with a detour. But it was a detour I welcomed with open arms and much excitement and anticipation because the dream is no longer just to become a doctor. At 25, the dream is now to become a better healer, whether in the area of direct patient care, in research, or both.

So I decided to put my post-grad plans on hold temporarily until God asks me to permanently put it away. I am enjoying this season of uncertainty, just allowing God to lead me where He wants me to be because I'm certain it would be awesome. I am reminded by the lines from the song Ocean, which has become a prayer of my heart:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my feet will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior

And there's a different kind of joy that comes with unexpected blessings, just like a few things I received this week:
- Much needed help and assistance with the Prayer Team
- Free favorite Jamaican patty merienda treat from Gemma:)
- free cardigans from Maam Vicky
- and my boss' consideration for the 'deadlines' we have not been meeting..hehe

So I say thank you Lord for blessing me indeed! According to your will, I pray that you would grant my desire to become a doctor, to be able to help others and have greater influence at work and in our community. Thank you very much!

Love,

Katy

Jesus, our Mediator and Intercessor

Here are my highlight revelations for the week from the book of Job. I didn't notice these the first time I read it but thank God for devotionals, and for always giving us new insights when we study His Word.

Thank you Lord for giving us Jesus to be a mediator, our Messiah. Indeed, you love us so much. And now we can stand before you freely, not on the basis of who we are, but because of what you have done for us. Help me to share who you are especially to those who are suffering, that they may know the truth that in Jesus, we have a mediator, and a great intercessor:) Thank you thank you thank you!

My 3rd Painting

A record of this sweet milestone is long overdue so before I forget, here are a few pictures of my 3rd painting (1st and 2nd were projects in highschool which were both done 10 years ago) that I lovingly and painstakingly made one random Friday night with the guidance of instructors at Sip and Gogh. It was such a fun and relaxing experience, it was an effort not to keep smiling on the way home..haha..I hope to be back soon!

The Prayer of Jabez

It's already Week 6 of 2015 and I have not been faithful in keeping up with my resolve to write a journal entry or blog post at least once a week...huhu

But I also resolved to not be too hard on myself and to learn how to let minor things pass so I won't make a big deal out of it....but but but I'll do my best to work on it - to be more committed and consistent in keeping documented records of how God has been so good to me each week.

The love month has already started:), but in church (Fairview Christian Fellowship reprezzzent!) we're not doing the usual sermon series on love. Yesterday we started a series on 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 entitled "The Prayer for Breakthrough Living".

I've meditated on the Prayer of Jabez a few times in the past but the application usually centered on ministry and missions. But part of the application of the message Pastor Nixon gave yesterday was to 'pray the first part of the Jabez Prayer everyday for the next 30 days and record all the blessings you received especially those that you did not expect.'

I did that just this morning and I felt so relieved and excited at the same time, to see how God will bless me tremendously because I asked. I also consider this as an exercise because although I've always known that He is good and mighty, and that He can give me beyond anything I ask or ever imagine; more often, I find it difficult to ask.

It's easier for me to ask for my needs such as anointing each time I would lead praise and worship, or wisdom and eloquence whenever I would speak in front of a crowd; but with the things I desire, no matter how much I want them, I somehow feel that it's wrong to ask.

Even with my parents, Ate would usually tell me, 'hindi ka kasi humihingi'. The good thing is, I understand where this aversion to asking is coming from; the bad news is, it isn't a happy story.

I can still remember that day, I was probably around 8-9 years old, when I resolved not to ask and to be as self-sufficient as possible. It was one of the saddest moments of my childhood - when I felt so unloved and the middle child issues within me were at their strongest. It even got to the point when I got sick but didn't tell anyone because I was so determined not to ask for help...but they learned anyway because I literally could not get up from bed because of high fever...and now I'm in tears..badtrip..haha

Now many years later, even though I've been liberated from those issues by God's grace, I guess old habits are hard to die. With Papa sometimes, there's also this assumption of mine that he would not grant my request anyway (and I hate disappointments..haha) so I'd rather not ask...you see, if other people have a false sense of entitlement; I, on the other hand, have been training myself not to feel entitled for different reasons. First, I feel guilty because I usually mistake it with discontent; second, I do not like disappointments which I get whenever I get the guts to ask only to be turned down; and third, because of pride I guess.

But with God, I know it's different. And He has proven to me many times in the past how much He loves me and wants to give the best for me. And now as I look back, I remember the times when I just cried out in desperation because there was no way I could be self-sufficient in that particular situation, and I realized...it was when breakthrough came...I also realized that I should not worry too much about mixing my desires up with discontent for as long I put God's will and His glory on top of everything I desire. Besides, I'm PRAYING..haha..so I should not be afraid. I'm confident that as I keep on praying, God would set my heart right if I'm praying with the wrong motives, or if I'm not yet ready for what I'm asking. But foremost, I must ASK:)

In relation to this, God has blessed me recently with an opportunity to study medicine and fulfill my deepest desire to become a doctor. I did not pray for it (and now I regret that I didn't) but I've been crying out to God about it, not for the opportunity to become a doctor though, but for the peace and contentment to accept what has been given me (I know...I WAS that kind of person). I realized now that He is giving me much much more than I asked or ever imagine. Before the offer came, I already gave up on becoming a doctor...but when it came, the intense joy I felt reminded me that in my heart, I never stopped dreaming that I would someday make a greater impact in the healing profession as a doctor. And God always knew. I guess He realized I was never going to ask for it, He got tired and decided to just give it..haha

So now, at 25 years old, here I am juggling work with reviewing for the NMAT. Many people around me are giving me a reality check - that I'll be old by the time I get to practice as a doctor..but I'm unfazed..haha..because I am confident that if God willed me to become a doctor, He would take care of everything.

As for me, I'll keep on praying and exercising the discipline of Asking...from the God of 'how much more', the God who honors dreams and desires for His glory, and the God who loves me so so much!

I hope to write about the blessings I'll be receiving in the past days as I pray the prayer of Jabez! Thank you Lord!

Love,

Katy