Mother's Love Part II

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod

Writing a theme or an article about mothers is a 'fad' in school. I remember doing it many times back in elementary and in high school, and I even made a feature article about it as part of my preparations for a contest. To not enjoy writing about our own mothers could be treated by the teacher as a sign of disrespect and lack of love. That could be true for some, or a very few rather; but for most of us, there were just moments when we just didn't enjoy writing about anything at all:p. But there's no arguing to the relevance of the subject, the depth by which you can elaborate on it, and the inspiration you can find from within to be able to write a good article. For one, it's a subject close to everyone's hearts (with very rare exceptions), and this world of ours has practically raised us with a biased leaning towards the image of a mother. We live in an environment that celebrates and gives high regard to the life-giving and nurturing woman, more so a mother, through the concept of Mother Earth/Gaia. The Spartan women are given high regard by their tribe, for 'from them comes the Spartan men'; and Mary, mother of God, is highly venerated for giving birth to Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior of humanity. Some even say that 'the fulfillment of being a woman is motherhood' while a Jewish proverb shared that "God could not be everywhere; therefore, he made mothers." But even without this 'environmental influence', I still think that anyone who had a 'true' mother would find it very easy to write about the woman who carried you in her womb, nursed you with her breasts, cuddled you, cared for you, nurtured and supported you, and raised you to become the human you are today.

The definition of a mother is relative for each one of us. For most people, it's their female parent who gave birth to them while for others, it's the woman who took care of them and loved them like their own even without the direct biological connection.

And I am blessed to belong both in the former and in the latter group, with 2 great, wonderful mothers in my life. Though our story draws more sympathy than awe, we, siblings, consider ourselves so blessed by God. After all, it is our mothers who taught us to give thanks in everything, and to find God's love and power in every circumstance, whether of joy, or of sadness.

The introductory quotation says that no one can take the place of a mother; and I guess that is true, and perhaps God believes so too, such that when we lost Mama Susie when Ate was 6 and I was 3 years old, He knew that only a mother could take the place of a mother, so He gave us Mama Josie.

Mama Josie is the youngest sister of Mama Susie. I don't know the details that will explain exactly how it happened and I hate it when people focus on that fact and judge my father, I only believe that it was all God's will:)

Our helper who take care of us when we were little told me that it was I (between Ate and I), who especially wanted Mama Josie to be our mother; which, as I think about it now, is so funny because I used to despise her in my growing years. I've already talked about my middle-child syndrome stint in a previous post and much of it involved my parent-child relationship with her. To those who don't have any idea how the middle child syndrome goes,  it's when the middle child, like me, feels that he/she is neither here nor there, lacking a sense of belongingness until it evolves to low self-esteem, reclusion, having no sense of direction, and either finding it difficult to trust or leaning too much on others. Back then, I felt less in everything- less loved, less valued, less taken care of, less supported, less intelligent, less interesting, less wanted, and the list goes on. I only felt more in lacking common sense, in being lazy, gullible, a trouble maker, and you can guess what I'm about to say next. I had my talents, but my insecurities were so magnified that I failed to see that I was loved and appreciated as I am. Mama Josie was a disciplinarian and I was often her object of discipline, not mostly because of 'trouble' but because I was 'tanga' and 'lazy'. I had so much tanga moments then, until now actually (haha). I was clumsy, 'lampa', inattentive with frequent lapses (as in 'tulala' moments:)), and was irresponsible. I was young, but it wasn't an excuse. I understood why I was spanked or reprimanded although I thought Mama was being too harsh, and there were a few times when she wrongly misinterpreted events, an action, or a facial expression. We weren't allowed to explain so for the times that I've been reprimanded even though it wasn't my fault, I settled myself to crying alone in our room. We were okay, but in the deepest portal of my heart, I was harboring ill feelings toward her. Though I was considered as more 'malambing', I found it difficult to be physically in contact with her in a motherly way. I wasn't comfortable with her hugs, with her holding my hand, or her leaning on me during our travels. It's actually my personal sign that I have something against a certain person because even with my friends, I'm not comfortable getting close to them when I'm upset about something that concerns them. Maybe it's because I couldn't easily isolate my feelings of fear of getting close to her when she's about to discipline me, with the supposedly comfortable feeling of being caressed by a mother.

But I thank God for time, and for healing. I don't know how and when it happened. I only know that when I learned to love myself, I also saw how much love the people around me have for me. I began to see how wonderful Mama Josie is as a mother. She wasn't exactly a stage mother, but she was very supportive in all of the contests we joined in school. She made sure we were prepared, that we had everything we needed, and that we looked our best. She was also always there physically to assist us in every way. She's the best nurse ever, a strict yet very effective teacher,  a wonderful cook, a great homemaker, and so much more. Ate and I didn't have time to make our TLE projects back then (as if we really intended to make them on our own..haha) so it was Mama who did most of the work for us. I was even awarded as Best in TLE when I graduated in high school.(fraud!:p)..haha

But my most treasured memories of Mama were the times that she took care of me when I was seriously sick, in a 'hirap na hirap na ako' drama mode. For me, she is the BEST, as in the BEST caregiver in the world. I would  never forget how she would wake up in the wee hours of late night to early morning to give me my medicine. But what's so amazing for me was how she did it. She would just help me sit up, give me the drug and make me drink water, change my shirt, and then put me back to sleep, which isn't so hard to do since I barely woke up anyway. Depending on how weak I am, Mama would provide partial to full assistance in my activities of daily living. She almost treated me as if I couldn't do things on my own, but that's among the many things I love about her. She knew exactly what we needed; and for each specific circumstance, she freely offered herself, trying her best to be what we needed her to be. We may not have come directly from her womb, but she was our MOTHER in every way, and we're very grateful for her.

God I miss her so so much. Especially now that I'm again, sick. I miss her care, her instructions, and her warmth. And each time I would lie down on bed, feeling cold and finding it difficult to breathe, I imagine her embracing me and covering me with a blanket, doing her best to make me feel better. I also imagine her and Mama Susie pleading to God to make me feel better; not that they needed to 'plead', but I just want to think about it that way. I hope I was I able to make Mama feel how much I love her, even in my most discreet ways:). And I further hope that even now that she and Mama Susie are no longer with us physically, we still make them feel how much we love them.

Mama Josie, you've done a great job in raising us. In many ways we actually took after you, we're strong-willed (too strong at times), hardworking, responsible, God-fearing, and conservative and cautious, at least most of the time. I hope, one day, to be as caring, as loving, and as selfless as you are. Continue to watch over us, with God, and with Mama Susie, as we all continue to grow in loving one another as one family! We love you and we miss you so much! My endless gratitude and rounds of applause go to you both, the BEST MOTHERS ever!!! meow