always love

I know I've made a commitment to write about more relevant and inspirational topics, but this is still MY blog, so allow me to say that today, KINIKILIG TALAGA AKO AT PARANG SASABOG ANG PUSO KO...WAAAAH! Pero ang hindi ko talaga matanggap ay ang rason ng kaguluhang ito- its a.....BOY!

a BOY! Aaaaargh!

Everyone who knows me well or have seen me read pocketbooks or watch shows on tv knows for a fact that I'm a sucker for mush. Ultimong kahit loveteam ng bata, kilig na kilig na talaga ako. At 'pag inaatake ako ng 'sakit' ko, even the most clueless person can tell because I really can't control my smiling; it's as if my supposedly voluntary facial muscles suddenly found a life of their own, kaya 'yun, mukha akong tanga..haha...Well in fairness to me, I'm known to many for being a real-life smiley, although my smile's special inclination to mush and cheese still bothers some of the people around me. The Mara and Christian tandem (Mara Clara) is currently the apple of my eye and just seeing them on tv really brings out the best (or the worst) in me..hahaha.

S: "You're babbling again. Can't you just get to the point?"
E: "Am I really that obvious. You see, I'm trying to create a balance here by NOT talking about it, that way, it isn't nurtured, but nor is it condemned."
I: "There's nothing wrong about how you feel. Go!!! Spill!!!"
S: "Boo id. Not doing anything about it will not make it go away either. I suggest you spill the beans, so you can just let it go."
E: CRAAAAAZY!

When assessing psychotic disorders, we have this premise that people who are CRAZY do not think of themselves as such so I'm safe!:) The conversation above is a coded report of what happened between me, myself and i or my superego, my id, and my ego in my mind. Truly talaga 'yung 'my heart feels as if it would burst with overwhelming happiness:) I was that happy that it got me thinking, inlababo na ba ako? But no, the answer to that is a big and confident NOOOOOOOOoooo. Although at this point, I fear that with just one golden moment of getting to know each other, I could be in for probably the greatest surprise of my life.

So that's why I decided to write about it, aside from having no one to share it with, kaloka namang magchest pains if ever dahil sa sobrang kilig...hahaha..but seriously, this is a little bit alarming for me because I haven't felt this way since my first lesson in love. He's my crush, now that I'm certain of...medyo in denial pa kasi ako these past weeks (he's not even someone I'd call cute, chos:), pero parang ang bilis lang ng acceptance...haha...I like a lot of things about him but even citing one would be too much of a clue for this one person who might decide to read my entries out of the blue. There's nothing wrong about it really, but I guess what makes it bigger than what it truly is for me, is the reference I get from my first lesson, and the promises I made to myself in connection with that lesson. Although the situation's entirely different, I still have this feeling that if I keep on thinking about it, making a big fuss of what I felt a while ago, I would eventually nurture it into something else, something I might not be ready for. Haaaay, so many worries for someone like me who hasn't even had a boyfriend! But I guess the lack of understanding of these things is one of the culprits behind this anxiety I'm feeling.

Pero ang galing talaga, I'm ok now, yeeey! It's really just a matter of recognizing the feeling to be able to let it go:) Writing/blogging is really the best!

Weh...but who am I kidding? It isn't totally gone, relieved would probably be a more appropriate term. Actually, I've been bothered with thoughts about him popping in my mind every now and then for months now. I can't believe that a handshake, and a very short (as in 'what's your name again?' short) conversation would make my heart go ballistic all of a sudden. Ah basta, Lord you know my prayer- Take away these feelings if they're not from you. I know I can't always rely on my emotions but I'm certain that I can always rely on you. I barely know him and I'm not gonna fool myself and pray that he's the one. I think it would be great if we become friends though, with our love for you as our common denominator. But if we're meant for something greater, I leave it all up to you. But please help me lessen this kilig I'm feeling, so I can at least be comfortable making friends with him in case. Thank you so much Father! we now have another secret..haha. meow