Off Day

I'm 21 years old, still young it seems, but I already feel so old, and a little useless. I do not fully know myself but I know ME well enough to say that today is not my day, because I'm not myself today. See, even my thoughts do not make any sense, but I'd rather indulge myself in mental diarrhea than hate myself and feel guilty for getting pissed on the simplest of things. Maybe it's the weather, or my health and the possibility that I might get colds again, or the hormones since I skipped my period last month and I'm still waiting for the supposedly regular shedding off of my endometrium. And then there's also the feeling of not doing anything that matters. Now that the training's done and I'm very eager and hopeful to find the "job", feelings of frustration and insecurity set in once in a while. I hate to entertain them, but when my body's down as well, I find it harder to shoo them away. As a result, I'm not my usual smiling self, instead I feel so lazy and grumpy. I've already felt irritated twice today for things that aren't worth it and I so hate myself for it. So here I am, isolating myself in this room, trying to save myself from sins of impatience and unreasonable flare-ups, and finding solace in doing one of the few things that comfort me during this kind of days- WRITING.

Francis Bacon said writing makes a righteous man and as I keep doing this, I hope to remove all the undesirable thoughts and feelings haunting my mind and heart. Father God, teach my heart to just hold on to you, your love for me, and your faithfulness in my life. Comfort my weary soul and free my mind of all the doubts, insecurities and uncertainties that cloud my view of the wonderful plans you have for me. Strengthen my faith, and remind me at all times that your grace is enough, and that I will never lack anything in my life because I already have you. Guard my heart, my mind, my mouth and my body for it is my desire to give you praise in everything that I think, say, or do. Help me to always find peace in Your presence. I love you Lord, thank you so much! meow

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.