I am a Nurse

I don't know how I can even begin to explain what writing means to me. It's something I obviously enjoy doing, but more than that, I think much of who I am now is because I write. It says much about my personality, that I do not like confrontations and talking much when my heart's bursting with emotions. The things I can't talk about, I write, and I thank God for this outlet that has kept me sane through the years.

But obviously, I am no serious writer. I just write for the sake of writing, although I've had good use of this talent in the past- in school, in a few competitions, and making family and friends feel good about the cards I give out to them on occasions.

Today, let me share an essay I made for an online competition that was shared to me by my sister. My attitude then was if I get the time to write then I'll join, but if I don't, then I won't. I had 30 minutes of my time free on the day before the deadline, and this is what came out of it.

(1) Category: Youth
(2) Title: Sharing My Peace in Being a Nurse
(3) Name: Katrina A. Paglicawan
(7) Nationality: Filipino
 (8) Age as of June 30, 2011: 21 years old
 (9) Gender: Female
(10) Word count: 766

not in a bun- with my co-trainees

I am among the many young Filipinos who joined the bandwagon of reluctant nursing students a few years ago, initially, out of obedience to my parents. It was never in my list of dreams, but God had a greater plan; and although it took me a few years to realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, serving and taking care of patients as a full-pledged nurse, the truly inspiring, and life-changing process was worth the wait.

That process began as a third year nursing student with the opportunity to immerse ourselves in the hospital and community setting. Early on, I have been anticipating for it as one of our final major requirements, and in the practice of excellence, I was determined to do my best and learn all things essential to become the best nurse that I can be. My first patient had a case of lung cancer, much like the case of my mother, who died a year ago at that time. The danger for counter-transference with such a background was great, but I was able to take control of my mind and emotions, not letting it affect my dealings with my patient. Still, perhaps at the back of my mind, I was doing my best not only to get high grades, but also to make up for the lost opportunity of being able to take care of my own mother when she needed me. I studied hard, making sure that I knew the rationale behind everything I was doing, and I stayed by my patient’s side, aiding her in things she cannot do for herself, providing health education as well as care and compassion, addressing not only her physical needs but also her emotional, mental and spiritual concerns as the need arises. Her every “thank you” was like a pat in the back from my mother, and for a nursing student like me who only ‘does her job’, it was true joy to have offered service and to be appreciated for it. My patient went the extra mile though; she, in her weak state, made the effort of commending me to my peers, praising me and boasting of the job well done I was able to accomplish in her eyes. It was my first milestone as a healthcare provider, and it was more than the motivation I needed to press on toward becoming the best nurse that I can be- excellent, hardworking, caring, compassionate and sincere.

Health, however, is a universal need involving all the aspects of humanness. Healthcare therefore, is not only for the sick, but must be offered to all people, transcending the boundaries of physical state, social status, race, and gender. The second milestone in my realization process was when we were immersed in small communities in the far, high mountains of Benguet. Their health needs did not match with the complexity of the cases we handle in the clinical setting, but the solutions, no matter how simple, were just as important. That experience opened my eyes and heart to the importance of my profession- that we are not only nurses aiding the sick and giving medications; we are also teachers, counselors, movers, initiators, and leaders, and the boundaries of what we can be for those whom we serve are vast, guided only be our professional code and our desire to help people achieve their highest potential in health. Not all the people we encountered welcomed us. Many were reluctant, and there were those whose beliefs did not agree with mine. It was a tough challenge, but it reinforced my vocation as a nurse, not only for the people who immediately accept me or who have the same guiding principles as mine, but for all.

The merit of my story is not in its uniqueness or complexity. Rather, it is in the sincerity of what I have been through, what I have learned, and what I have become as a person. The “life-changing” in my story is not in the appreciation or the awards I have received. It was in seeing the same change in the lives of the people I serve, with every piece of knowledge shared, and every caring action taken. In the few years that I have been practicing as a professional nurse, I no longer do my best just in the practice of excellence; I toil hard, patiently and perseveringly to see that change, and to share the peace that I have found in choosing my profession, understanding full well that every life blessed, is a portion of the world improved.


I had reservations in joining at first, with no intense experience in mind that I could write about with so much ardor. Again, it was my sister who gave me the idea and even though I was reluctant at first, I found the ideas just flowing spontaneously as soon as I began. And I was happy with my work, although I already wanted to change the title as soon I submitted it...haha

I am always proud to be a nurse but sometimes, when circumstances seem so bleak and hopeless, I think of becoming something else, something not so far, which is to become a doctor. I know I've found my niche in the healthcare profession and I am happy to take on the role of a nurse as part of the team, but things do get really tough at times and it's very easy to think of a way out. After all, 'to be a pediatrician' is what you'll find in my high school yearbook in the space beside ambition. I've also shared the many things I want to do in a previous post and being a doctor is one of them. There are limitations I have to live with but I just know that if it's meant to be, it will happen even many years later. Also, my motives in desiring to be one are sometimes questionable even to myself (and I'm not sure if it's safe to spill it all here)...haha...so for now, I am living life the way I've chosen to, choosing to serve and do my part in this world as a nurse. And whatever other careers I may venture into later in life, I will always be foremost, a nurse, and I am glad and grateful to be one.

I have not given up :D

This victory's so sweet and so fresh I can still taste it...haha

All-Saint's Day 2011

Finally, thank God for another opportunity to blog!

I've only been browsing other sites and reading other blogs these past weeks, wanting but not really having the strong urge to update my own. But that's not to say that my life has been lacking some action these past days because on the contrary, it's really a season of turning points for me so much so that I have become sick. Praise God that I'm feeling better now, and I praise Him more for the successes and overwhelming blessings He has flooded upon me once again.

So to start this catching up, here are photos of our very short 'long-weekend' vacation in La Union!

Through the years, All Saint's Day has become a special time for our family, commemorating first, Mama Susie, then Mama Josie's fruitful lives. They are always in our hearts and minds and we do visit them on other occasions, but we are joined by relatives and family friends in remembering them every 1st of November so it becomes a reunion of some sort for us. It's also Ate Angel and Micah's semestral break and it was good to come home and be with Papa at the province once again. I had a 5-day leave at the office, starting on October 31st but we had to go home on November 2nd already because of Micah and Ate's enrollment on the 3rd. So it was just a  total of 3 days for me including the 7 hour travel forth. It was very tiring for me, I must admit, because without Ate Kambal around, I had to do the cooking and some chores at home and we also tried to squeeze in as much activities as we can such as doing some groceries, going to the bank, the market, etc....haha...adult stuff should be banned on vacations, especially on SHORT vacations!

Thank God for some special moments- we ate out of course! (Ate Angel's treat) at the new Pancake House in San Fernando, we met up with childhood friends and neighbors, and our Tita and one of our cousins also came by our house before we went to visit Mama altogether.  

And as always, we did not return to Manila empty-handed. We had half a sack of rice and a box of banana plantains in tow together with other foods we could stock in our refrigerator...haha

I'm guessing that going home for vacation is bound to get harder and harder in the years to come. But family time is always worth the sacrifice so okaay lang kung pagod...haha
But I really hope to get a happy vacation next time around, because though it was certainly happy, I'm not sure if it was vacation:) Whatever it was, thank you Lord! I am grateful!

I have so many thoughts running in my mind right now I don't even know where to begin.

Life is indeed full of surprises, and I've reached that point in my life again when major decisions have to be made. It would be a turning point in my career, but I realized, it isn't just about me and my work. It's also about my family, my time, my salary, my daily living, my goals in the future, and how it would affect the different networks of my life as a whole.

I also can't qualify exactly how I feel- I'm excited, a little doubtful, but praise God, I find myself most grateful...-For changes, for choices, for the ability to make decisions, and for this overwhelming assurance that I have, that  God is at the center of this all. His thoughts and ways are higher than mine, and I can only stand in awe at how all these- MY LIFE- would turn out in his Hands.

Father God, it's another time of serious discernment and contemplation and you know I'm not very good at this.  Let your wisdom be upon me that I may know your will in my life because where you want me, is where I want to be. Let all the concerns and considerations just fade in the background as you allow the clear revelation of your will to stand out for my understanding.

I offer the days, months and years to come in your hands. As always, I just know that with You on the wheel, everything will be more than alright in the end.