Our exams ended past lunch time, and as I was eating my favorite Mushy Chix crepe from Cafe Breton (the best!) courtesy of Micah, with my mixed berries tea because I was trying to prevent an itchy throat from progressing, I had this urge to write down my thoughts again. I do keep a journal for my daily devotion and quiet time with the Lord but I do not have anything for my random thoughts and musings...which I have in volumes, expanding even more since I ventured into med school last year.
And the Lord has been so good to me, blessing me with His overflowing provisions - resources, wisdom, strength, good health and so much more. Almost all of my classmates call me Ate Kat because most of them are even younger than Micah. I do not mind the 'seniority'. Instead, I try to use it to influence, and to help my classmates. This, however, somehow placed me on a platform, and some of my classmates see me as someone who has it all together - intelligent, unfazed, and always okay. Of course I tell them I'm not, that I only try to do my best in everything; but in my heart I am also glad that I am able to shine the Lord's light this way, reflecting His peace that surpasses all understanding, and His joy that gives me strength. I also love how I appear strong in their eyes, all because I've surrendered all to my Lord, including all of my weaknesses and anxieties.
They no longer see my tears each time I break down in prayer to God whenever I'm overwhelmed with the weight of what I had to study in such a limited time; because what I offered in tears, the Lord replaced and gave back as joy, peace and strength. I'm also thankful to the Lord that He made me a worship leader, because I know a lot songs which I can easily sing to myself whenever I feel down or afraid. I'll consolidate those in another post so I won't forget them even when I can no longer pay for my Spotify subscription..hehe
I know I'm going in circles, which also reflect the way my thoughts are. But I'd like to end by saying how grateful I am to the Lord for an eventful first year in Med school. He has kept me sane and strong, by allowing me to come to Him anytime, as I am, in my weakness and unworthiness.
I love that with you Jesus, I do not have to wait to be okay before I can come to you. You draw me with your love to come as I am, assured that you will always meet me where I am, with your comfort and grace. With you, I do not feel judged, but as I pray, I love that You always set my heart right eventually, patiently leading me even if I take some time. I pray that I'd be able to spend the 2-month break meaningfully, for your glory. Thank you!!!!
