As my birth month comes to a close (almost), allow me once again to thank my Creator, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit for the gifts of a past that I could learn from and treasure in my heart, a present I can relish- opportunities to do things right and give Him glory, and a future...a bright future I can be sure of, not because I am confident of my abilities but because I believe and I am sure that He who promised is faithful.
You are Faithful...that's what you are Lord, and as I celebrated my 26th birthday, you showed me that you are more than faithful. You not only grant our needs but you also grant favors, the perfect gifts, and our heart's desires according to your will.
This month, I received gifts and favors of all forms and packages and my heart is full of gladness and thanksgiving.
First, I have the gift of family and friends who surprised me, celebrated with me, and made me feel very special.
Second, I received gifts that delighted my heart and made me so happy BIG TIME. Thank you Ate for fulfilling my Baking dream by buy buying an oven and a bigger and better refrigerator; to Papa who only wanted to sponsor my mixer but ended up sponsoring a lot more baking things, and to Micah for giving me extra money which I also spent on more baking things...haha. On top of that, I got my favorite cake from Sugarhouse (also from Ate), and a new Happy Skin Beauty in Bloom blusher to add to my Happy Skin kit (from Ate and Ate Mary). I also got new goblets from Maam Hazel who remembered how much I enjoyed them. I've been using the oven every week since and have been semi-successful (for a first timer..hehe) in roasting chicken, making lasagna, banana cake, and just yesterday, chocolate chip cookies...more to come!
I've also been remembered and greeted by the sweetest friends. Thank you Lord for allowing me to catch up with my college groupmates Barbi and Gregg, for the resources to treat my coworkers in the hospital, my family and my cell group; plus more resources for pending celebrations with my mother cell and praise and worship Team B. Not that I owe anything to this people but I also want to share the blessings I've been receiving to them.
The many holidays this month only make my birthday all the more happier (redundancy intended for emphasis...hehe) even though it's been raining hard these past days. I've also been granted a wonderful favor (not allowed to talk about it yet but will make a mental note to write about it once I receive it) from God through the people I work for and I am just very grateful for the opportunity to work hard and make a contribution.
August has been very busy but it's no longer ghost month for me anymore. I am hoping it won't be in the future once I pursue my dream to become a doctor but whatever happens, I have faith that as I remain steadfast in my walk with God, things are only gonna get better.
Father, you are the giver of perfect gifts. I don't deserve all these things and I'm still struggling to please you with all of me but thank you for not giving up on me. Teach me and help me to overcome my own selfish desires as I learn to fill my heart and mind only with the things that are from you. For the years to come, my desire is to please you and to make your Spirit at home in me even more, until you are king overall...no buts, no ifs. I love you and once again, a BIG thank you!
'Reading makes a full man.'(FrancisBacon)...but this read is an exception:p
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Sunday, August 2, 2015
A New Beginning
Hello there:)
This is me trying to beat my laziness and write again from my heart. It's been ages since I last visited this site and if you're asking what happened and what changed...well, I have just finished crying while reading my favorite blogger Patty Laurel's beautiful and insightful post on how it has been for her and her newborn Theo in the first 15 days of Theo's life.
No, I cannot relate yet with how she faced her motherhood struggles but I felt guilty somehow, because there she was struggling to write despite the challenges while here I am, not totally busy 'busy' but for some reason (laziness and procrastination is a big factor), I just gave up on it. And I'm not just talking about keeping an online journal..I mean writing altogether.
And as I sit here on the bed typing just whatever comes to mind, I realized not just how I miss this, but how much I needed this.
And now I'm crying because I am very very sorry. I am sorry because I know in my heart that this was not just a 'phase' but a heart issue. I'm sorry Lord if I've neglected myself..if I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with work, family, ministry and other trivial things that I thought I had a good-enough-excuse for not processing my thoughts and feelings and talk to you this way. I know I've been selfish and have considered myself entitled to do whatever I wanted during my free time 'just because' ___________ [I've been working hard, this is my only enjoyment, etc.]. I have not been faithful...and just when I thought I was doing the right things to recharge myself, you remind me of how you wired me - with thoughts and feelings that I process best as I talk to you through writing.
And this feels good [am referring to both writing and crying..hehe] so as I claim your forgiveness I thank you for drawing me back to this...and I trust that you would grant me the grace to keep going back to the discipline of writing even when the times are tough and the distractions are super distracting..hehe
Now on what to write...I'm no longer going back on the events and thoughts in the past that I considered 'blog-worthy' but was too busy write. Instead, allow me to pour my heart out on what made me come back.
As I read about how Patty rejoices in gratefulness in this most difficult yet rewarding time of her life, I was reminded about the things that made me write. I've always considered writing as therapeutic and when I was younger and attempting to be cool I labeled it as 'writing for sanity'. And while it's true that writing helped me handle my emotions better, I also knew that I could keep my sanity with or without it.
And then I wanted to be socially relevant. I also wanted to inspire and lead people to Jesus. I wanted to spread good vibes with my words and to remind people to 'Always Love.' With this secret journal, I am highly doubtful that I was able to achieve any of those things with my mostly personal, sometimes insightful posts. And with all those things I wanted to but was too shy to accomplish, which translates to a lack of clear purpose, somewhere along the way I just got tired and gave up.
Nowadays I've been busy with the usual things and whatever free time I had, I spent it playing my favorite Cooking Fever [yes, I still want to cook in my games] or reading books. But this afternoon I was reminded of what makes me write...or on a more rudimentary level, what fills my heart.
Then I'm reminded of the words that are hardly absent in all of my writings...the words Thank You. Whether I'm telling a story or keeping a record of my memories and insights, I always end up giving thanks. What would start in angst and intense sadness always ends in thanksgiving, with the hope that Jesus, my Lord and my friend, would come through for me and would fulfill his wonderful plan in my life.
So yes, after months of going around, dilly-dallying and doing a lot of things without really feeling that ooomph [haha..I'm finding it difficult to put it into words] or that peace and contentment that I'm doing the right things, here I am trying to figure things out and go back to one thing I'm sure I should be doing...not to be sane or to attempt to accomplish something far beyond myself [although it would be a great bonus] but simply because I am GRATEFUL, and this is one way [which I also enjoy] I can express how grateful I am to God for giving me this life, for surrounding me with people who love me and care for me, for putting me right where He wants me to be, at the center of His will [I pray] to worship Him and be the child that He has destined for me to become.
And this is very timely because because...I am turning 26 on Wednesday (August 5, 2015)! Which had me thinking, did I just undergo a quarterlife crisis?..hehe..but seriously, my heart is filled with love, joy and gratefulness for what God has been doing in my life. Awhile ago I thought it would just be another birthday, but thank you Lord for this early gift of soul rejuvenation [I'm not sure how I should call it..haha]. With a renewed sense of gratefulness, I now see with a different perspective the wonder of what you have done, have been doing, and what will continue to do in my life. My wish and prayer is for your will to be revealed and accomplished in the days to come. Help me not be pasaway and resist your plan [but my prayer remains that if it's not your will for me to become a doctor, please don't lead me too far and break my heart] but if I am doing the right thing and not just following me heart but your heart also, please help me remain steadfast even amidst opposition and challenges.
I have already received the ultimate gift through your son Jesus Christ, and I am filled and overflowing with so much love and blessings from You. But you did not stop there. You also honor my heart's desires according to your will and I am very very very very grateful.
I've always said that 2015 is a year of transition for me, and I admit that I have my fears and insecurities. But let them not overwhelm me Lord as I hold on to your perfect love...and the assurance you have given me though your Word that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. [James 1:17]"
And so to You who is the source of a love so great and eternal, unchanging and unfailing; to You who gives the best, not just good but perfect gifts and treats; to You who is the source of joy and peace that never run out and which do not yield to the storms of life; and to You, my Father, my friend, who delights in me and loves me like no other, to You I give all glory, praise and honor for what you have done in the past 26 years, and for what you will continue to do in the next many many more years! I love you Lord and Thank you!
With a grateful heart,
Katy
This is me trying to beat my laziness and write again from my heart. It's been ages since I last visited this site and if you're asking what happened and what changed...well, I have just finished crying while reading my favorite blogger Patty Laurel's beautiful and insightful post on how it has been for her and her newborn Theo in the first 15 days of Theo's life.
No, I cannot relate yet with how she faced her motherhood struggles but I felt guilty somehow, because there she was struggling to write despite the challenges while here I am, not totally busy 'busy' but for some reason (laziness and procrastination is a big factor), I just gave up on it. And I'm not just talking about keeping an online journal..I mean writing altogether.
And as I sit here on the bed typing just whatever comes to mind, I realized not just how I miss this, but how much I needed this.
And now I'm crying because I am very very sorry. I am sorry because I know in my heart that this was not just a 'phase' but a heart issue. I'm sorry Lord if I've neglected myself..if I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with work, family, ministry and other trivial things that I thought I had a good-enough-excuse for not processing my thoughts and feelings and talk to you this way. I know I've been selfish and have considered myself entitled to do whatever I wanted during my free time 'just because' ___________ [I've been working hard, this is my only enjoyment, etc.]. I have not been faithful...and just when I thought I was doing the right things to recharge myself, you remind me of how you wired me - with thoughts and feelings that I process best as I talk to you through writing.
And this feels good [am referring to both writing and crying..hehe] so as I claim your forgiveness I thank you for drawing me back to this...and I trust that you would grant me the grace to keep going back to the discipline of writing even when the times are tough and the distractions are super distracting..hehe
Now on what to write...I'm no longer going back on the events and thoughts in the past that I considered 'blog-worthy' but was too busy write. Instead, allow me to pour my heart out on what made me come back.
As I read about how Patty rejoices in gratefulness in this most difficult yet rewarding time of her life, I was reminded about the things that made me write. I've always considered writing as therapeutic and when I was younger and attempting to be cool I labeled it as 'writing for sanity'. And while it's true that writing helped me handle my emotions better, I also knew that I could keep my sanity with or without it.
And then I wanted to be socially relevant. I also wanted to inspire and lead people to Jesus. I wanted to spread good vibes with my words and to remind people to 'Always Love.' With this secret journal, I am highly doubtful that I was able to achieve any of those things with my mostly personal, sometimes insightful posts. And with all those things I wanted to but was too shy to accomplish, which translates to a lack of clear purpose, somewhere along the way I just got tired and gave up.
Nowadays I've been busy with the usual things and whatever free time I had, I spent it playing my favorite Cooking Fever [yes, I still want to cook in my games] or reading books. But this afternoon I was reminded of what makes me write...or on a more rudimentary level, what fills my heart.
Then I'm reminded of the words that are hardly absent in all of my writings...the words Thank You. Whether I'm telling a story or keeping a record of my memories and insights, I always end up giving thanks. What would start in angst and intense sadness always ends in thanksgiving, with the hope that Jesus, my Lord and my friend, would come through for me and would fulfill his wonderful plan in my life.
So yes, after months of going around, dilly-dallying and doing a lot of things without really feeling that ooomph [haha..I'm finding it difficult to put it into words] or that peace and contentment that I'm doing the right things, here I am trying to figure things out and go back to one thing I'm sure I should be doing...not to be sane or to attempt to accomplish something far beyond myself [although it would be a great bonus] but simply because I am GRATEFUL, and this is one way [which I also enjoy] I can express how grateful I am to God for giving me this life, for surrounding me with people who love me and care for me, for putting me right where He wants me to be, at the center of His will [I pray] to worship Him and be the child that He has destined for me to become.
And this is very timely because because...I am turning 26 on Wednesday (August 5, 2015)! Which had me thinking, did I just undergo a quarterlife crisis?..hehe..but seriously, my heart is filled with love, joy and gratefulness for what God has been doing in my life. Awhile ago I thought it would just be another birthday, but thank you Lord for this early gift of soul rejuvenation [I'm not sure how I should call it..haha]. With a renewed sense of gratefulness, I now see with a different perspective the wonder of what you have done, have been doing, and what will continue to do in my life. My wish and prayer is for your will to be revealed and accomplished in the days to come. Help me not be pasaway and resist your plan [but my prayer remains that if it's not your will for me to become a doctor, please don't lead me too far and break my heart] but if I am doing the right thing and not just following me heart but your heart also, please help me remain steadfast even amidst opposition and challenges.
I have already received the ultimate gift through your son Jesus Christ, and I am filled and overflowing with so much love and blessings from You. But you did not stop there. You also honor my heart's desires according to your will and I am very very very very grateful.
I've always said that 2015 is a year of transition for me, and I admit that I have my fears and insecurities. But let them not overwhelm me Lord as I hold on to your perfect love...and the assurance you have given me though your Word that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. [James 1:17]"
And so to You who is the source of a love so great and eternal, unchanging and unfailing; to You who gives the best, not just good but perfect gifts and treats; to You who is the source of joy and peace that never run out and which do not yield to the storms of life; and to You, my Father, my friend, who delights in me and loves me like no other, to You I give all glory, praise and honor for what you have done in the past 26 years, and for what you will continue to do in the next many many more years! I love you Lord and Thank you!
With a grateful heart,
Katy
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