When God Has A Different Answer

It’s a sad day today. No, nothing happened to me or to anyone in my family, but my heart goes out to those who did not make it to the outright passed list in all of our subjects.

We finished all the exams last Saturday, and it’s now waiting time, which for me is no less difficult than knowing the results, because no matter how bad the news is, at least you already have a clear course of action.

I was just in the same situation last Thursday. I was in limbo, because I was praying hard to be exempted for an exam, yet I also know that I was praying for a miracle because realistically speaking, my scores in one area won’t make it, even if I got high scores in the two major exams. I reasoned that God is never short of miracles, but as I prayed, I felt that He was already preparing my heart to receive another miracle, not the one I was asking for.

I sought for His saving grace, but He was bent on giving me something better, his sustaining grace. It was the fifth day of exams and I was tired so I was really praying for a reprieve, especially because I knew that the final exams would be the most difficult. But as I prayed and read God’s Word, he reminded me that His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9). I wanted the easy way out, but the Lord, in His great wisdom, had better plans. Yet I was also so sure, that if he would make me take the exams, He would also graciously provide me with the strength to overcome and emerge victorious, not because I was good, but because I surrendered and relied on Him. To God be all the glory!

So I say thank you Lord for always answering my prayers. I know that if you had allowed me to be exempted, I would praise you as well, but it just so happened that you had a different lesson to teach me this time. I will still pray to be exempted next semester. I hope to do better, but I also thank you for enabling me to give my best this semester. I know I have, given the circumstances and conflicting priorities at times. I had my share of failures as well, but you never left me and you always helped me to get back on track each time I asked for forgiveness.

I thank you that although I’m also waiting for the results, it’s not to check whether I passed or not but whether I would be able to maintain my scholarship. And in that area, I can never thank you enough because I also know that no matter what happens, you will provide for me and my family.

And so I pray for you to speak of the same reassurance and peace to all my classmates who are troubled right now. I pray that they would know of your saving grace, power, and unending love, that they may also experience the peace that surpasses all understanding, but which can only come from you. 

I know that you are in charge. Let your will be done Lord! 

Sweet

I woke up this early morning (2 AM) to attempt to review for an exam tomorrow because I wasn’t feeling well last night; but the Lord is so sweet, I woke up to the news that there will be no classes tomorrow because of the bad weather.

Thank you Lord! My throat still hurts and I’m still not feeling okay but I’m so happy for this answered prayer. I didn’t even ask for it fervently, because I know that many of my batchmates are against the suspension of classes, also for valid reasons. But it was according to Your will, so it happened. And your will is always good and perfect, and I say this because it is true. Suppose it turned out differently, I know that it is for the best if you allowed it to happen.

But I’ll still try to review though no pressure now:). Thank you Lord!

My Secret Place

A few moments ago, I thought I needed to write down my thoughts because I was feeling sad and disappointed. A few minutes later, meaning right now, I'm still a bit sad and disappointed, but no longer with a heavy heart.

I'm beginning to hate group works, because the results are not as predictable as when I do things on my own. Like the recent shifting exam in Patho where I didn't do very well, it's very clear to me that the failure part was all on me. I crammed the review, and that I even got a fair score was all thanks to God. But with group works, you can give it your best and think that it would probably yield the best results, but it won't be the case if others don't deliver and in the end, you all fail together.

And for someone like me who values fairness in all things (at least as much as possible), this is really disappointing. I specifically organized and provided what the others were supposed to include in the project, but when the final output came out, it wasn't there, and true enough, the evaluator looked for it. What's more disappointing about it was the effort I put in to research on that information. I was tempted to ask why they did not include it, but knowing that it will not change anything, I stopped myself and just reflected on my sadness for the rest of the lab period and on the way home.

 And when I arrived, Alfie met me and I just started to cry out to the Lord all these frustrations. And as I prayed, I was reminded to focus on giving and not on receiving, and to just keep doing my best, focusing on the things I can control and surrendering all those that I cannot. What I do, I do foremost for God's glory, and as I keep on seeking Him, I know all my labor will not be in vain.

I am also grateful that in sad, frustrating, and draining moments such as this, just like what it says in Phil Wickham's song Secret Place, I have the Lord to run to, and I can be sure that He will meet me  and renew me once again...

And I thank you Lord giving me Alfie who is a small but important part of my secret place. It was when he came to me to be cuddled that I began to cry, and it was while looking at him playing on the floor that I found myself smiling again. Thank you for the things that you teach me through him, and for making me feel better just by looking at him..hehe

Thank you Lord!